At last reached one more milestone

 https://www.nbandassociates.org/our-team.html at last Director for Investment banking firm hope life is going to see this.

Nothing more to say, need to plan for next milestone

Feeling empty hollowness after having reached where I wanted to reach

 Well nothing much to say, life is again stand still this is what I am feeling. Financials things are fine earning decent enough to take care of things, well that's not what is important for me it is leading life which is been missing, yes these days just by spending time I am earning no slogging just get up go to office and be back to loneliness.

There has been no breakthrough in career wise that's what I am thinking, its been same mundane life, one good thing doing nothing is what I am earning, this is something I wanted where in I just don't do anything but still earning enough which makes me 1% of India's earning segment, but this is not what I wanted is what I realised after reaching this place for which every professional aspires.

At this juncture of life its all about satisfaction of growing up to big league which has not happened ever after reaching 50, but still hope is alive hoping for a big breakthrough, been running around aspiring to be part of BIG4.

Feeling hollowness, yeah you may think I am acting too smart as earning what just 1% of India's population earns is what I am earning but hollowness and thirst isn't getting quenched, sometimes I feel that what was my goal that was just keeping the journey and clearing one after another milestone is what I am feeling know as don't know what to do.

Everyday I keep waiting for something to happen something to change but nothing is changing, everyone around me is happy as I am taking care of things, some even say all the years of hardworking is paying off and I am just sitting and comeback I think I have landed in soft corner which something I dreaded the most.

Sometimes have reached too early and there isn't anything left know to move on getting sick of it, it was dream to become what I am today when is started 5N, I use to slog day in and day out to earn what I am earning today by doing nothing.

Hoping this mundane life will get chance to move or direction in which I need to move forward, let me admit first time missing life too badly. Well will figure out ways agains but for know its been mundane life but happy with it as everyone around is happy except myself.

Lot of people slog 18hrs of day in big corporates to earn the figures I earn just sitting, but i feel as long as you are taking care of your responsibilities but inner self keeps asking what are you doing.

Hope by next 5 years will be in board of directors for at least 5 companies hope it happens, literally have stopped learning and experimenting as due to responsibilities I fear for any change which is something which I have been playing but know at this juncture unable to do it.

Anyways no complains from life

5N survives ONE year in Dubai

 Hi it's been 1yr that 5N has survived and kept things alive, well nothing much to cherish but nothing to frown in financial world called as break even. Had topsy curvy for this whole year. Getting things back to normal but still long way to go, well things at moment are fine going on keeping alive got new clients surviving the Global market is challenging, fighting mental battles fighting being away from family. Things have slowly changed. 

Have become not only father but god father to my son shaping him not shaping but nurturing him and seeing him walk on the way to become chartered accountant I feel like I am becoming one, well he has followed my path at age of 16 he started earning and know working with CA firm earning for himself and managing it reminds me on my time when I started at same age working and taking care of things.

When I see his dedication and the way he talks I just get reminded of my days, nothing much to complain going on well got retainer client which is taking care of things, learning new things new industries in this global market is keeping me on toes.

The only wish I have at this point is though I have taken away that chirpiness of my son from being normal I hope he gets his reward not interms of his career which I know he will not lose out as he is learning from the CEO as how to take care of life. The only wish is he should get all the happiness of life which I lost.

I always tell my son SHIPS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE IN HARBOUR well the same applies to me at this age of 50 I am also learning new things and fighting day in and day out, been 13 years since I started this company and its been 13 years where in I haven't depended on SMS which you get once in month while working.

Today a funny incident happened when one CA here in Dubai referred 5N to his client and the client referred to his client finally only to find out that the the client was my old client of 2 years well this goes on to say Dubai is aware of 5N.

Well nothing much to say just got carried away and remembered missing of life. Its been decade since I missed life hope I will meet life.

Its good to stop at sometimes

 Things have been bit harsh at me been with tension for last 2 days but best part I realised is you react to things which are not in your control and things which are created by people around you and the best part is that you keep fighting it when all it requires is just to stop and relax, as things that are not in your control will never come under your control.

Sometimes I feel no matter what you put across what's written will happen so its better to switch off yourself and go to hibernating mode as the whole body will detox itself and then you can start again where you left.

There is no where written that you need to keep running and trying to change others and situations so the best way is just relax and let the music begin. No matter what ever you do to keep people happy they will always have some or the other problem from you which leads to unnecessary situation where in you feel that though you are not responsible but still being held accountable.

I think this is the sign that you should switch off your brain that's what I am doing know, all of my life went in keeping people happy no matter what ever be the situation but know at this age I realise that no point in keeping people around you happy and forgetting to be happy.

Next 3 days will be switched off from the whole world and try finding inner peace

All alone I think I was designed this way

 Just becoming bit nostalgic going down the lane, right from 43 years back when I was 7 yr old kid both my mon and dad left me for my mother doctor checkup and I was alone in house and lights went off sitting all alone in dark and deserted area which it was in those days sitting alone and moment of wind causing bone chilling sound and with lizard squeaking out, I was in tears that is the day when I faced loneliness and from that day have been all alone.

I always believe in one proverb a gazelle has to run faster than cheetah to see next day sunlight,a cheetah has to run faster than gazelle to live another day been in this situation since last 43 years, today being 50 its all the same every day have to hunt and keep hunger away, the best part is you are held responsible for actions which happen which is not under your control.

No one looks at the pain you undergo as pleasure and every one looks at pleasure which they see on my face, sometimes feel just need to hang my boots, but can't do it, for my birth I was not responsible and the whole of life has been like that, I was not responsible for any one's action but still I get hanged.

Going through doldrums but still need to get up everyday and fight for the day with hope of tomorrow, it may sound very dramatic but that's life we all have colors on our face and mask's and inner face is something which no one wants to know.

Can keep writing millions of words but it will still not describe what I am going through, have got used to this life of loneliness times I feel this is my world where I am responsible for every one's life and there expectations

Words cannot describe what I go through but I still feel what I am going through is just minuscule when I see other around me going through.

Just having laugh at myself as my own inner conscious is saying you are having a different colour and mask today.

History Repeats after 29 years

 29 years back I remember me giving my first salary to my dad I was 19 years at that time, well history has repeated after 3 decades when my son got his first pay cheque on 14th June 2023, my first salary was 1020 rs in 1994 and my son got 12,000 which is like 11.5 times higher that what I got, well happy for one more reason is that my dream to see my son in my shoes is happening, he calculates same way as I calculate, we both have become buddies than father and son.

next 5 years will be crucial for both of us hope things will be fine, just un able to sleep as thinking of seeing my son heading 5NBC

Next line getting ready for 5NBC

 May 2nd marked a special day in my life and in the life of 5NBC, the next generation of 5NBC is shaping up, yes that's the good news, well its my son Naif Ahmed who is going to be next generation to take care of 5NBC. Though he has been earning and studying a new leap happened when he joined chartered accounting firm in jayanagar as intern and he will be there for next 5 years till he comes out as a Chartered Accountant to take on the reins of 5NBC to next levels.

As a father I am happy that my son is slowly stepping into my shoes, he wants to be a investment banker something I missed, I am putting in all my experience and my information to him so that when steps into the shoes he is at least 10 years ahead of me.

He will be studying in evening college and morning working with chartered accountant so he gets both the book knowledge and the practicality which is missing these days in the graduates who pass out with degrees in hand, he did his 11th and 12th working and studying which reminded me of my old days where in I never had the luxury of just studying which I always envied but today I feel all happened was for good, he is slowly maturing into good professional.

Hence I am building his platform in Dubai, so that in next 5 years when he finishes his graduation and becomes CA I would have build a platform for him in Dubai, happy to see him calculate everything on numbers and numbers.

So buy the time he is done studying 5NBC would have been 18 years old company so the platform is ready for next generation to enter and take it to next levels.