Fighting A Lonely Battle

The memories remind me of my starting days of sprinting and running when it all started the journey from clerk to CEO has come a full circle, The challenge when I started was to prove a point that I am worth something, the best part is today also I am still proving that I am worth something but not for myself but for others.

Feeling is like you build sand castle on sea shore and one tide comes and washes it as if the castle never existed, when you tell this you hear are you the only one every one goes through this, well no complaints.

Bottom line is you were good only till yesterday and today is different day well accepted hence started again to sprint and run this time not to prove a point but scale my new heights by 2030 in case alive want to be on Board of Adviser for few companies continue the learning with same zeal with which I came till here.

Got kids there jobs they are doing good but from here where they go is uptown them you can get horse but rider has to ride where he wants which time will tell,

The nest which was built nurtured is where I am all alone but now I feel need to start flying again got something happening tomorrow hope it will not disappoint me anyways thousand times have fallen but stood up again.

Sometimes being battle ready and still don't know when things change, when you get chance to prove your  worth is sometimes frustrating, well my work is to be battle ready hoping times comes to prove as life says yes time will come calling your name, lets see

All alone back to square Zero

 Well in 52 years life has come full circle and today I am standing all alone to start from scratch, I remember my father words TILL YOU GIVE YOU WILL BE RESPECTED ONCE YOU STOP GIVING YOU ARE GOOD FOR NOTHING.

I always use to say to my clients Yesterday is history and how good are you today is the question well its now applicable to me also.

Decision you take on scenarios haunt you back after time passes, yes its true when hit by covid lost 5N and my hefty earnings today I get questioned as in present I am not earning that 7 figure earning.

I also tell my clients once if you can make then you can make many number of times yes this is what will be applicable to me.

Will be starting again from ground zero

Been fighting every day for last 15 years

When I look back I get into two minds, one questions did I become something in life and other tells me that I have survived last 15 years with every day fighting to survive. Its mixed feeling, came out of retirement as I couldn't just sit and relax and take life as it comes, Rightly said Ships are not built to stay in harbour but they are built to fight sea waves.

Every day its fight of survival, I keep telling I haven't seen salary credited sms for last 15 years, I hope its worth achievement, every day starts with ambiguity, suddenly things change within seconds and suddenly things go worst in seconds.

That's the life of fighting to survive, yes agree that every working professional does fight every day, but fighting with only hope that tomorrow things will happen is very difficult.

Suddenly you get client and transfers funds but sometimes need to keep following up for payments, sometimes I feel that I am nothing but mere professional beggar but sometimes I feel I have lived life to fully extent with all the curiosities and ambiguities life brings every second.

Hope and believing yourself plays a vital role in life of entrepreneurs there were times when I was good for nothing but the will to change and overcome the tide is what makes life, all philosophers and writers can write amazing stories but the one who faces it knows how one goes through it with full turbulence hitting you from every where but you keep searching for land with hope things will go well.

Sometimes I feel I have taken enough beating and just become a rock which has smoothened due to water hitting it continuously but still withstanding the beating and staying in same place takes lot of guts, courage, believe in yourself and hope.

Anyways have come back to normalcy ready to face topsy turvy curves again.

Retirement is pathetic

 Came back to bangalore on 31st January it's been 28 days since I took retirement life has come to standstill. Was happy to retire with decent 6 figure royalty coming with son working and daughter getting ready to work, but life has become pathetic just sitting and passing out time with no work.

At home everyone is why is this person at home, if I talk then they tell me you don't know and you talk much and its irritating why don't you search for a job, I came here to relax and doing no work still earning 6 figures but unfortunately I was wrong.

Once ramzan is done I think its time to pack bags and head back to Dubai, staying here for more time will lead me to dementia and literally going mad, had enough of these 28days with not working but still earning decently.

I think I need to revisit my life and get it back to track by April will be back to Dubai

Standing on the retirement process don't know what's in store

 Well feels quite butterflies in stomach as I am standing at new thought of retirement life, well son is settled working and studying earning good enough for him, with regard to daughter just waiting for her to finish engineering which is nearing by February 2025 got her job ready in 3 companies so once she joins her job I will realise the dream of making her women of substance, well recently there was a proposal for her but she told bluntly till I don't achieve things on my own I am not interested well I respected her decision.

As she will walk out of her college compound for the last time by February there is job for her and once she joins have planned her to do her masters and lead her life all by her independence and becoming financial stable women which is the need of hour.

So this will leave me to spend my retirement peacefully, with consulting contract earning 7 figure per annum which will take care of my retirement and my younger daughter she will be stepping into college life, with no loans and EMI getting over by January I will not be left with any EMI's.

Well I am desperately waiting for February hope things go in place and I will start this ramzan of 2025 as retired person until I have surprise from life taking new path, will update by March 2025 about how things happened as I thought or the famous word man proposes god disposes

At last reached one more milestone

 https://www.nbandassociates.org/our-team.html at last Director for Investment banking firm hope life is going to see this.

Nothing more to say, need to plan for next milestone

Feeling empty hollowness after having reached where I wanted to reach

 Well nothing much to say, life is again stand still this is what I am feeling. Financials things are fine earning decent enough to take care of things, well that's not what is important for me it is leading life which is been missing, yes these days just by spending time I am earning no slogging just get up go to office and be back to loneliness.

There has been no breakthrough in career wise that's what I am thinking, its been same mundane life, one good thing doing nothing is what I am earning, this is something I wanted where in I just don't do anything but still earning enough which makes me 1% of India's earning segment, but this is not what I wanted is what I realised after reaching this place for which every professional aspires.

At this juncture of life its all about satisfaction of growing up to big league which has not happened ever after reaching 50, but still hope is alive hoping for a big breakthrough, been running around aspiring to be part of BIG4.

Feeling hollowness, yeah you may think I am acting too smart as earning what just 1% of India's population earns is what I am earning but hollowness and thirst isn't getting quenched, sometimes I feel that what was my goal that was just keeping the journey and clearing one after another milestone is what I am feeling know as don't know what to do.

Everyday I keep waiting for something to happen something to change but nothing is changing, everyone around me is happy as I am taking care of things, some even say all the years of hardworking is paying off and I am just sitting and comeback I think I have landed in soft corner which something I dreaded the most.

Sometimes have reached too early and there isn't anything left know to move on getting sick of it, it was dream to become what I am today when is started 5N, I use to slog day in and day out to earn what I am earning today by doing nothing.

Hoping this mundane life will get chance to move or direction in which I need to move forward, let me admit first time missing life too badly. Well will figure out ways agains but for know its been mundane life but happy with it as everyone around is happy except myself.

Lot of people slog 18hrs of day in big corporates to earn the figures I earn just sitting, but i feel as long as you are taking care of your responsibilities but inner self keeps asking what are you doing.

Hope by next 5 years will be in board of directors for at least 5 companies hope it happens, literally have stopped learning and experimenting as due to responsibilities I fear for any change which is something which I have been playing but know at this juncture unable to do it.

Anyways no complains from life